AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
