Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
