Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She even gives head with a lisp.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
