when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
