If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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