i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
