It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
