does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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