The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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