i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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