When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
