just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
