Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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