i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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