I love having hate sex.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
BRING THE BAGELS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
