Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
