Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
