I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
