The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
