i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
