Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
