I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
