So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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