Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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