he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
