Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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