dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
