I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
