i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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