Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
