did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
