never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Text me some of your sweat
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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