I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
