Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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