I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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