how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
