help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
