it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
