Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
