This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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