I love black thongs
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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