she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
