there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Randomize
