We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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