I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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