You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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