My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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