I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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