dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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