i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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